Aching Heart

There are so many things I want for this little family of Me and Him to have, sometimes I wonder when and where it will all come together. I feel like life has given us a crazy hand, it's hard to believe that almost a year ago David was diagnosed with Cancer and we have lived through it and he is ok. Sometimes I wonder though is he Ok? Will we survive? I also wonder why in the world we had to come back to Rexburg when I was so desperate to leave it. I know it is for a reason and I know that Heavenly Father has a plan, but gosh darnit what is it? 

I felt like we were secure here for awhile. My soul could be content it could nest, and it could relax. Rexburg is permanent. I could decorate a room without fear of wondering how I was going to move it across the great United States.  But for how long is it permanenet? We don't know. But now it feels like that could change and it could be changing soon. Of course this excitements me and us. We don't want to live here forever.

I guess I just want to be stable I always pictured life differently for us. If I've learned anything over the past year it's that Heavenly Father definitaly has his own plan for us.

I don't want to sound ungrateful but I so badly want to live New York. I've wanted it since I was a young girl and I still want it today.

I thought maybe that when we moved back to Rexburg maybe after Rexburg we would move to New York.

I guess I just keep wondering when it's going to be my turn. I read other peoples blogs who live in New York and they are un happy. They have children and live a great life (or so it seems) yet they are upset. I can't understand this.

I was reading another girls blog the other day about how it was so hard for her to loose her job and honestly I just wanted to slap her in the face. She acted like it was the worst thing that could ever happen to her and she was a huge emotional wreck. and I was just like SERIOUSLY!

I feel strongly that Rexburg is not our permanent home and that we will move. But lately I want so badly to stop looking to when we dont live in Rexburg. I'm tired of it. I want to feel grounded I want to feel like I can invest.

Gosh darnit I want to live in New York. Why can't I?

I know I'm just being super negative. WE ARE SO BLESSED! I really do feel extremely lucky. I have the greatest husband in the whole who understands me and puts up with my annoying self. He has an amazing job that supports us 100% I'm going back to school and we are healthy.

It's also really late at night and that is not helping to mine complaining.