Waving My White Flag

I've been thinking a lot lately about the kind of Woman and Mother. I want to be a Woman who dresses well with impeccable style. I want to be the perfect homemaker with a spotless house and home cooked meals. I want to have a perfectly organized day where my baby takes naps at the same time every day. (ha!) I want to plan the best parties with great attention to detail. I want to be a mother who provides an amazing childhood experience full of activities to remember a lifetime.

I've come to notice that all these things, while not seemingly wrong, were taking away from my happiness as I was putting too much importance on them and forgetting the most important of them all. When I think of the Woman I really want to be I know it's to be a righteous Daughter of God.  And when I meet Him face to face again, and I know I will, I want more than anything for the words I hear to be "Well done thou good and faithful servant."

What more could I really ask for? I can't. So I'm waving the white flag on myself. Time to start again and get my priorities straight.


Easier said than done however, I've had this feeling of my happiness has been taken from me for awhile.  I couldn't figure it out why even though the answer was whispering itself to me in the back of my head I ignored it and kept looking for other ways to fill it.  Everyone morning when I woke up the little voice would say Courtney if you would just do this you would feel so much better, but what did I do? The complete opposite. My eyes were completely blocked from what was really going on.

 As I was explaining this to David last night that I felt like I just couldn't get a grip on it, that I couldn't find my happiness, we concluded that our priorities have been off. We've been trying to build consistency in all the wrong places. In stead of trying to build a schedule for ouselves in this new life with a baby we needed to put God first. Then everything else would fall into place.

So simple. But even the best of us fall down and loose sight. So here is to a brand new day, for starting fresh and putting the most important things first, and being the people we really want to be. Like my Mother use to tell me, we are blessed to only have 24 hours in a day. Every day we get to start over and try again.


* please don't be concerned, I am doing well and am happy. Its just easier for me to understand my thoughts when they are written down and organized. It also helps me to move forward.